Ally McBeal >

Prologue.
Scenes from last episodes.


The unisex.
JC peeps above his stall into RF's stall. RF is sitting on the toilet, his pants down, reading a book.
JC: Richard ?

RF: John ! Good to see you ! What's up ?

JC (escalating the stall and landing into RF's stall): Everything OK with you and Ling ?

RF: John, you're in my stall.

JC: And Whipper ? How is she ?

RF: John...

JC: I'm going to kiss her.

RF: Whipper ?

JC: Nelle.

RF: Ah... And... ?

JC: I'm fraught. I mean, you told me how much importance Ling laid on that first kiss and I'm concerned Nelle may do the same.

RF: John, you're in my stall.

JC: Could you... What were Ling's instructions, specifically ?

RF (getting up, we hear a sound like he is also getting his pants up - he is now in front of JC, very close to him - JC has his back to the door of the stall): Well, first thing is the head tilt.

JC: The what ?

RF (motioning JC's head): Head tilt. Ling says it's bad to get nose to nose. Look at us, all this anxiety over a first kiss ! In a bathroom, like a couple of teenagers ! (they both laugh a little) Gay teenagers, my pants are down.(cut to outside the stall - NP is standing by the sink, listening to them) The lips should be soft, and poised.(cut back to the stall) You want to lick first.

JC: What do you mean I want to lick first ?

RF: You don't want a dry lipper... (cut to EV entering the unisex, startled at NP's listening, then taking her stand to listen too)

JC: I've got a secretion problem.

RF: Make it a strength. Concentrate (cut back to the stall). Hear the bells ! (JC hears them) Do you hear them ?

JC: I do !

RF: Do you ?

JC: I think I do. (cut to NP and EV)

NP: I know I do.

EV: Ding, ding, dong, kiss. (cut back to the stall)

JC: Well, it was wrong to have popped in...


Credits.


Cage & Fish, lobby, in front of EV's desk.
EV (holding a cup of cappuccino out of reach of AMB): Not until I get time sheets !
AMB: Time sheets are for real lawyers, Elaine, when do you see me actually work ?

EV (still keeping the cup out of reach): That's funny ! Richard's getting a new peeve, and he wants the time sheets.

AMB: OK, ok, I'll do the time sheets (still trying to get the cup but not able to grab it)

EV: And when you do...

AMB: Give it to me ! (Elevator opens : a funny looking man, FZ, gets out with a bouquet of flowers) Ah ! (she dives on the floor in front of the desk)

EV (bending over her desk): What ?

AMB (still on the floor): Bad date, last night, get rid of him, quick !

EV (turning around and now facing the man): Hello !

FZ: Hi !

EV: May I help you ?

FZ: Is Allison in ?

EV: Allison ?

FZ: Mac Beal. I'm suitor, Ross Fitzsimmons. Be a love and tell her Fitzy's here, hum ? (he pucks his lips and blows a kiss to EV)

EV: Fitzy, how do I say this...

FZ: What ?

EV: Ally, sudden... she died. It was awful, she was...

FZ (pointing at AMB's leg on the floor behind EV's desk) : Is that her leg ?

EV: What ? (they move towards the leg, EV staying between him and the leg as much as possible) Oh, yes, the police, they've asked us not to move her... They're on their way over with the chalk. She was murdered, just...

AMB (FZ starts to tickle her leg and she laughs): Stop !

FZ: Nice game !

EV: Ally, you're alive !

FZ: Very funny, very funny...

EV: Oh, I'm just glad to see that you're OK... (and she kisses her on full mouth, long kiss...)

FZ: And I'm not falling for that lesbian trick. You think you're the first woman I've courted who's pretended to be either dead or gay ? Get in line ! Does this mean it was a bad date ?

AMB: Well, Fitzy, umm...

FZ: You just judge people on looks, don't you ?

AMB: I do not !

FZ: What about personality ?

AMB: Great ! Get one ! (feels sorry for saying something so harsh - she imagines her self as little as a thumb, getting on top of FZ's shoe and saying) I'm sorry !


JC's office. There are sounds of crickets in the office. Stefan is lying on the desk, still in a coma. JC is at his desk, looking at Stefan. RF enters the office.
RF: John ? Crickets ?
JC: He loves them. I'd always have them for Thanksgiving. A little cranberry on the side.

RF: Nuts...

JC: Doesn't like nuts.

RF: No you, you're nuts, you've got bugs blasting on a stereo, give it up, John, he's gone ! Coma, this Thanksgiving he's the vegetable ! Bygones.

NP (entering): Any change ?

JC: No, and could you both please leave ? This doesn't help (to RF) You're callous, and (to NP) you assault his every move !

NP: I never assaulted him !

JC: You threw him into a door.

NP: Well, to get him off me !

JC: You hit him with a file.

NP: What ?

JC: In the complex, you swat him with a file.

NP: I didn't swat him, I defended myself !

JC: You swat him, you picked up a file and you... (JC does the moves as he says them, and Stefan jumps literally into the file as JC swats the file - Stefan ends up on the window and slides down)

RF: Gone now.


GT and BT in an office. At first camera does not show the OW (orange woman).
OW (voice over): Feel free to gawk, I'm quite used to it.
BT: We don't mean to... It's just...

OW (now in camera): I'm orange !

GT: How did this... ?

OW: Who knows ? Some doctors say it's a reaction to the sun, others claim I ate too many carrots, some say a genetic predisposition. The thing is, this is permanent, and I lost my job because of it. People wanna stare at me when I walk down the street. What can I do ? Children wanna be coy a little. What can I do ? But when I perform my job well ! And I still get fired, just because...


Elevator opens. It is LW (weird music). EV is in the lobby and starts going after her.
EV: Ling. Hi ! Welcome.
LW: My therapist told me to pay no mind to those who don't matter.

EV: Yes, well, if you're looking for Nelle she's in John Cage's office, not hers (LW stops and turns around) Also, if there's any way that I can help, I know you're hurt, and it's just that I want to be a part of it.

LW: You help by just being there Elaine. Whatever my pain, I can take heart in not being you.

EV: That was very good ! Did you know that you're my favorite vicious person in life ? (she leaves)


JC's office. Stefan in on the ledge of the window, outside.
JC: I see him, he's on the ledge, he looks conscious.
RF: Ling ! Hey !

JC: Call the fire department.

RF: Oh yeah, they'll rush over, send a chopper...

NP: Well, can't he climb back up ?

JC: No, he's afraid of heights.

NP: How can he be afraid of heights, he's a tree frog ! He's got the sticky little hands... never mind.

LW: I need a cereal box and some string. I better not get a wart.


AMB's office. RR is with her. AMB at her desk, RR in front of her.
RR: How do you say yes to a date ?
AMB: I don't know, one second I'm kissing Elaine, and the next thing I know I, I...

RR: Where are you gonna go ?

AMB: Hopefully a movie, some place dark with no talking, and you'd better be coming too

RR: Oh, no !

AMB: Oh, yes, you're the reason I met him, and the least you can do is... (knock on the door)

FZ: Ally ?

RR: See that ? He can't even startle you !

AMB: Renee !

FZ: I... brought you the itinerary.

AMB: Itinerary ?

FZ: For our date, hello !

RR (taking the sheet): Ooh, karaoke !

FZ (taking the sheet back): I'm very good ! (AMB is having the fantasy of being bip-bip running out of the office really fast)


JC's office. Window ledge. There is a box attached to some string. JC is talking into a megaphone.
JC: If you hop in the box Stefan, we can pull you to safety. You have to trust me Stefan, trust !
RF: How can he trust the world, John, he's been flushed, swat, smacked, he's an abused frog !

LW: Maybe he's depressed. He looks like a jumper, is he depressed ?

JC (putting the megaphone down): I realize it would be easy to locate humor in this situation, I would appreciate you not doing it !

LW (gets in front of the window, she is holding the string): Hang on !

JC: Whooo...

RF: Wait ! (Stefan is starting to walk towards the box) He's moving !

LW (lifting the box once Stefan has hopped in): Got him ! Give me some room !

JC: Easy ! Easy !

LW: He's annoying me !

NP: John !

LW (gives JC the box): There. (to NP) Can we talk now ?

JC (taking Stefan in his hands): You're alive ! You're awake ! You're back !

LW (to JC): You're mental !


Elevator opens. Whipper is in it.
EV: (under her breath) Excellent ! (to WC) Whipper !
WC: Hi Elaine.

EV: How are you ? I heard about the incident, it sounded awful ! If you ever need to talk...

WC: Yes Elaine, that's exactly why I'm here, to extract a little comfort from you...

LW (arriving with NP): The naked woman is here. She's disguised in clothes.

WC: Well, you know, we've never officially met.

NP: What's going on ?

LW: This is the naked nude thing I was telling you about. I saw her buttocks, they upset me. Look at her hair...

RF (arriving in the lobby also): Whipper ! What brings you... Hi ! You look great, what... What's the...

WC: Richard I came to apologize for what happened...

EV: Wait, wait, not everybody's here. Can I get Ally ?

WC and RF: Elaine !

WC: It was just very wrong of me to... Here's your key. I shouldn't have done it, I'm sorry Richard. (she leaves)

LW: I didn't hear an apology to me !


Court room. Case of the Orange Woman. BT and Attorney talking to the judge, Happy Boyle.
BT: I am sure there're some places in the South where customers refuse to see a Black travel agent. Does that make it OK to fire him ?
Attorney: I object to this case being like into the discrimination against African-American...

BT: I am not doing that !

Attorney: You just did it ! I...

BT: The point I'm making, the law doesn't say you can't discriminate against Blacks, or Yellows, or Reds, it says color ! She was fired for being orange !

HB: Are there more ?

BT: Excuse me ?

HB: Orange people.

BT: I don't think that's relevant.

HB: I always thought that one day people from another planet would land on Earth, and ask me to bestow them their Civil Rights. But I figured them to be green.

BT: You Honor...

HB: People sometimes think I'm an alien. Behind my back they call me Yoda. I try to rise above it.

BT: Your Honor, Miss Poole is not an alien. She is an American, asking you to say that it is not OK for her to be fired because of her skin color !

HB: Would you step up here, young woman ? (she gets closer). Let me se your teeth. (she shows him)


Cage & Fish office. EV's desk is covered with bouquets of flowers.
AMB (quite agitated): How did it happen ? How... You were there, how did it happen that I've agreed to date him ?
EV: Well, why did you date him the first time ? (signing a delivery receipt and flirting with the flower guy)

AMB: Renee's friend fixed me up... I would call right now and call it off but that would just fuel his passive aggressiveness. I... Oh... I'm just... I'm just gonna go through with it ! I'm gonna tell him that he had his chance, and that's that !

EV: All, it's nice to be nice. I believe in being nice. But sometimes you've got to dump someone. Give this guy the bin.

AMB (ironically): Thank you Elaine, you're such the sage !

EV (giggling with pride): There's some things I know. You pretending to be dead, I think he liked it. You've got to give him the straight hard dump, it's the only thing these bastards understand. (AMB is not happy and rips a flower)


Court room. Case of the orange woman. Happy Boyle is giving his conclusions.
HB: So many conflicting thoughts have been spinning through my head. On the one hand it is his business, and on the other, firing somebody for skin color, and (sentence escapes me here)I think you're a very pretty color (JP looks pleased with that statement), there's been many times I wish my own wife glowed in the dark, it would be easier for me to se what I was doing (audience laughs), but this case is not about skin color, and I'm impotent. I mean the law is impotent to protect you. (he tilts his head, closes his eyes, barely reopens them and sighs, closing his eyes again).
BT: Your Honor... Judge Boyle ? (his head falls hard on the desk - BT, GT and the defending attorney get up) Call the paramedics ! Your Honor ! Judge Boyle ? Happy ? Call the paramedics, damn it !

Bailiff: We're on it !

GT (touching HB's wrist): He's got no pulse.

BT: What do you mean he's got no pulse ?

GT: I think he's dead !

BT: He can't be ! (he checks HB's pulse also) He is ! He's dead !

Attorney (lifting the head of HB to read the conclusion): Who won ?

GT (slapping his hand and making the attorney let the head go): Hey !


Chinese restaurant. RF, LW, JC and NP at a table.
RF (talking on a cell phone): Dead, dead ? Oh my God ! Which way did he rule ? (to JC) Happy Boyle, bygone. (closes the cell phone)
NP: What did he die of ?

JC: They don't know. He said he was impotent, boom. Soy sauce ?

JC: I liked Happy Boyle. I'd like to take a moment.

RF: Absolutely (they bow their heads and hold their noses between their thumbs and middle fingers - NP and LW look at each other and decide to go along and do the same)

Waiter (coming over at their table): Cook bad ?

LW: Everything's fine, somebody's dead.

JC: Ling, could they perhaps feed Stefan ? Maybe just a little lettuce or something, he's giving me a look of famish. (LW speaks in Chinese with the waiter, who speaks back). And bring him right back, he suffers a little separation anxiety. (the waiter responds something in Chinese) Okay...


Karaoke Bar. Fitzy's singing "Puppy Love", from Donny Osmond.
FZ: And they call it Puppy love / Oh I guess they'll never know / How we're pretty feels / And why I love her so / And they call it Puppy love / Just because we're seventeen
Women in the audience are charmed, RR is laughing, AMB's beeper goes off.

AMB (reading and not believing it): What ?

RR: What ?

AMB: Judge Boyle died.

RR: He did ?

AMB: That's a tragedy right ? We should leave ! (they leave - FZ has a sad look as he watches them leave)


Court room. OCME people are tending to the body. BT and GT are still there.
Paramedic (taking notes): Did he grab his chest or anything ?
BT: No... He was giving his ruling... He looked like he was falling asleep... He just closed his eyes (WC arrives) and his head dropped.

WC: Billy ?

BT: He just went. He was there, then he was gone.

WC: (to the paramedic) Can I see him, I'm a friend. (she goes over to the body) Now why did you go and do this, Happy ? You shouldn't have done this. (she kisses his head)

GT (to BT): You're OK ?

BT: Yeah.


Chinese restaurant.
JC: The thing about him, he never struck me as happy.
RF: He was happy, he just didn't look it. People thought he was a drum so he nicknamed himself Happy to compensate. Smart little guy.

JC: Ling, could you ask him to bring Stefan back ? He has some separation problems.

LW (talking Chinese, translation): Can you bring the frog back, the strange one misses him.

Waiter speaks back in Chinese, a huge smile on his face, showing them the plates. LW and the waiter talk for a while in Chinese, LW is very upset. The waiter is trying to explain usually people come with pets asking the cooker to prepare it as a meal.

RF: What's going on ?

LW: He's going to be taking a big moment, that's all I can say.

LW obviously doesn't know how to tell this to JC.

The waiter gives more explanations in Chinese, LW and him argue some more.

RF: What's going on ?

LW: The bad news is, Stefan is back. The good news is, he's delicious. Tastes like chicken ! (LW goes on with her dinner, while RF, NP and JC look horrified at the thought they ate a frog, in particular, Stefan).

More arguments in Chinese. LW and the waiter are now in the middle of the restaurant and everyone's looking at them.


Office. AMB, GT and BT.
AMB: I didn't even know him, really. So, so, why do I miss him so much ?
BT: Because there was something there. Every other judge sits there, so... I don't know, so cold. Happy Boyle, there was something human there !

AMB (nodding and smiling): I...I remember my first time.

AMB remembrance.

HB: Let me see your teeth.

AMB: I beg your pardon ?

HB: Hygiene is important to this court. Show me your teeth. (she does)

End of remembrance

BT: I remember my first time too. It was my second trial, I was so nervous, (flashback shows BT showing his teeth) I ever did it. I can't believe he's gone !

GT: I never knew you cared so much about him.

BT: Neither did I.


Lobby. AMB is walking through.
She spots FZ at EV's desk. Tom Jones "Unusual" tune is playing. She walks up to them.
AMB: Fitzy ! (the tune scratches like a vinyl).

FZ: Umm, did I miss something ?

AMB: I'm sorry, but somebody I knew died, and I...

FZ: So you went out to get some chalk !

AMB: Look, I was gonna call, but...

EV (leading FZ into AMB's office): OK, Fitzy, time for us to have a little chat ! (they are now in the office) I'm a person who throws herself at men, figures once in a while something's gotta stick. I play the game, I know the game, I enjoy the game, especially when I compete just a little out of my league, like you're doing here. But I also have the sense on those occasions I do go splat not to get up and hurl myself again. There's a difference between losing and being a loser, who on some unconscious level seeks that defeat. That's what you're doing with Ally, and it's time to stop and take a very big bite out of reality. Look at Ally. (they both do) Is she not beautiful ? Is she not smart ? Is she not sophisticated ? Is she not all those things, Fitzy ? I want you to walk out of this office, go home, and write yourself a letter starting "Dear Fitzy, what were you thinking ?" Now go ! (he leaves -"Unusual" starts again, slowing and scratching as Fitzy passes near AMB and goes towards the elevator). Now that's the way to dump somebody, Ally.


Flashback. WC's office.
HB gets in and starting to take off his robe. He is wearing a muscle shirt and boxer shorts underneath.
WC: Wrong chambers again, Happy.

HB: Oh, damn ! (he pulls his robe closed again) I don't know why I keep walking in a door too soon. One of these days I'm out there, coming in and catch you naked !

WC (smiling and writing): Yeah, and you'll just ask to see my teeth ! Good catching up with you, Happy !


Flashback fades into a picture of Happy Boyle smiling. WC is looking at it. WC's office. RF comes in.
RF: Hey !
WC: Hey ! (he laughs a little) I am sorry !

RF: Forget about it ! I just wished I had walked in, Ling said you looked incredible !

WC (after a short pause): You know he used to come in here, by mistake, three times a week. He'd picked the wrong door ! And then we'd talked for an hour, sometimes two. He'd talked all about his cases, you know, all about all the characters that would appear before him that day. I'm gonna miss him.

RF: Me too ! Now how am I gonna have that homosexual experience, look at that waddle ! (he laughs)

WC: Richard, umm, your clergy friend Mark, can I borrow his chapel ? Happy's memorial is gonna be left to me.

RF: I'll ask him, I'm sure that'd be OK.

WC: Thanks.

RF: Is everything... You're otherwise OK ?

WC: Sure.

RF: People come, people go, umm ?

WC: The same story.


JC is dancing in his office, to "Give me that thing". He's jumping around, and NP comes in. He stops when he sees her.
NP: Hey ! Just came in to disparage you ! Kidding ! Any reason you're hopping about ?
JC: It's the next form of my smile therapy. I'm using physical optimism to induce emotional well-being.

NP: Sit.

JC: I'd rather not.

NP: Sit ! (they both sit) His number was out, John. The toilet, the door, the window ? The chop sticks. He called his number. We don't know why God does some of the things he does, his ways are mysterious. All we know for sure, He seems to hate frogs as much as I do.

JC (using his smile therapy): Can I be alone ?

NP: Sure. (She leaves, from the door) For what it's worth, I didn't find him delicious at all, I thought he was a little tough.

After a pause, JC is starting to laugh alone in his office, can't stop laughing - AMB comes in)

AMB: John ?

JC (still laughing through the dialogue): First the toilet. Pschh... And then, then he fights his way back up into the bowl, only to find, I mean you know...

AMB: Unfresh ?

JC (still laughing): And then Nelle and Georgia play a game of catch with him, until, well, the door, and then wham, and then splat, and then there, with the little legs twitching... (laughing) and then the chest compressions, Richard took his little... Oh, no, then the respirator (makes moves with his cheeks like a fish - AMB is laughing with him) And then we think he'd never come back, the doctor say if it doesn't happen in 24 hours, he's in a coma for a week ! (burst of laughter) But no, he doesn't give up, he battles on, he battles his way back to consciousness, and then I launch him out of the window !

AMB: And Ling gets him with a box !

JC: Then we go out to celebrate and we eat him !

AMB: He's dead now boy !

JC: He's so dead ! And now we're laughing !

AMB: Chop suey frog !

JC (stops laughing and gets sad and angry): Now you're laughing ! My best little friend is dead and you're laughing ! He's lucky he's gone, you know that, because people are sick. They just laugh at tragedy. (starts to storm out of the office) Stefan was too good for this world, boy ! Yeah, he's lucky to be gone ! (slams the door).


Evening. RR and AMB in their flat. RR is on the couch, AMB walks in.
AMB: The world is juts made up of weird people !
RR: You're just figuring that out ?

AMB: Why don't they tell us ? I mean as kids, why don't they like tell us in kindergarten, people are odd ? Then at least we wouldn't feel so bad about growing up being strange ourselves, and maybe, we would be more tolerant and open minded about the strange !

RR: Where is this going ?

AMB: You think that I was too quick to judge Fitzy ?

RR: Excuse me ?

AMB: Well, think about it ! He can't be any stranger than John Cage, or Richard Fish, or Happy Boyle with the tooth fetish, he was really beloved, Renee !

RR: By who ?

AMB: By everybody who knew him, I mean, even me ! I... I... It hurts that he's gone, don't ask me why, but don't... you miss him ?

RR: Yeah ! What's this got to do with Fitzy ?

AMB: I'm just saying... I don't know what I'm saying ! I'm saying that we're brainwashed into believing that the best people are normal and attractive and maybe they're not ! The John Cages, and the Happy Boyles, maybe they're the real nuggets ! And maybe we're missing out, skipping over all the Fitzys, I mean look at us ! Clearly... we're missing out on something !


Flashback. Court room.
HB: Members of the jury, our witness has a small piece of spinach caught in an incisive. Now when oral decay starts to build up between the tooth and the gum, bacteria starts to build colonies. (flashback fades into BT in bed - voice over) Even the most nutritious vegetable can turn into Vietnam !
GT: What're you thinking about ?

BT: Umm... Happy. You know he used to invite me to lunch, now and then. I always wanted to go, and I always ended up postponing.

GT: You think you rescheduled him to death ?

BT: That isn't very funny Georgia.

GT: Billy ! He was a wacky little judge who amused us ! What's this about ?

BT: It's about, he's dead. He's gone.

GT: Like your Dad's gone ?

BT: What ? Happy Boyle was just somebody I knew, Georgia, he was hardly a father figure !

GT: I know... But you and your dad... You were always planning to get together tomorrow, next week, next month, and suddenly he died...

BT: It isn't about that ! I'm just talking about Happy Boyle, and... He was a good guy ! This isn't about my father.

GT: OK.


RF's office. LW and RF arguing.
LW: Why do you have to go to the funeral ?
RF: The least we can do is honor the dead since we don't the living !

LW: It's because that naked big hair woman is doing the eulogy !

RF: What ?

LW: Don't Ling me !

RF: Happy Boyle, we loved him ! We want to say good bye ! (JC comes in) John...

JC (turning to his side and leaning over to show them his butt) Richard, Ling... Does this make my B-U-T-T look bigger ?

RF: (to LW) Big date with Nelle tonight. (to JC) I think, umm, they're fine ! (to LW) They're fine, right ?


AMB walking briskly in the office, going into her own. EV stands up and tries to catch up with her.
EV: I have news on Fitzy !
AMB: Oh God, now what ? (she opens the door, sees him there and screams)

EV: He's in your office.

AMB: Thank you, Elaine.

FZ: I just came by to say sorry.

AMB: Oh !

FZ: Can we talk ? Do you have a second ? It won't take long.

AMB: Sure, sure... (to EV) Could you excuse us for a minute Elaine.

EV: Certainly.

FZ: OK, one second. (he looks up at the ceiling, and the tune of Puppy love starts playing - EV pushes AMB aside, pushes FZ in AMB's office and closes the door - she stays with AMB outside the door).

EV: Listen to me...

AMB: You hurt my...

EV: These guys don't give up, show him the bin !

AMB: Elaine, you...

EV: Don't Elaine me, I know these guys ! The bin, Ally !

AMB (walking back into her office): Umm, Fitz...

FZ: I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable, but, well, my favorite story in life is Beauty and the Beast, and something told me you might share that same sense of romance. I'm just sorry we never got that dance.

AMB: You're trying, again !

FZ: Excuse me ?

AMB: Elaine's right ! You're taking one last shot, wi...wi...with a Disney !

FZ: The thing is, I just get this sense that underneath it all, you're a woman who prioritizes, you know... sex ! And despite my apparent shortcomings, I think things would light up for you.

AMB: Fitz ! (she sees the trash can being pulled up)

FZ: Umm ?

AMB: You may be a really great guy, and it may be true that I should take the time to discover whether or not you are a really great guy...

FZ: Umm umm (his face is happy)

AMB (sees the trash can being tilted against the bigger trash can): But I'm not gonna take that time. I never want to see you again (she sees Fitzy hanging onto the trash can for not falling) Ever ! (still sees him hanging) Ever ! (he falls in).

FZ (as he leaves): It's to bad. Something told me you could be the one.

AMB: Not everybody gets the one ! (as FZ opens the door, EV falls as she was leaning against the door to listen -she shows him the way out)


The unisex. LW is putting blush on her cheeks. NP gets in.
NP: Come on, we're late, it's already started.LW: In a second. I'm not perfect.
NP: Ling, it's a funeral, there's only one show !

LW: And why are we even going ? We didn't know the corpse ! I have a line... (touching the corner of her right eye)

NP: we're going out of respect to our friends who did know him...

LW: Oh please ! Probably they're friends that care about the little people ! It's demeaning !


Funeral. Picture of Judge HB smiling on a coffin. Pan over the choir.
WC (giving the eulogy): He'd say with a face like a clown, it's either the circus, or our legal system ! And there's way too much tooth decay under the big top ! He was so sweet ! He used to wander into my office, every now and then, (cut to AMB, RR, RF and EV on one bench, BT, GT and JC on the bench behind them in the audience) he claimed by mistake, but it was never by mistake ! No... One thing about Happy Boyle. He had a certain radar. For people who could maybe.. use some company.(cut to NP and LW arriving late and passing BT and GT to get to their seats) I once asked him : "Happy, what would you like your legacy to be ?" And he said that by the time he died, that he just hoped it mattered that he'd lived. And judging from this very room... I don't know why I'm crying (BT gets up) ! I mean I know him, but I didn't know him, you know, that well... Excuse me.. (to BT who arrived at the pulpit) Thank you !
BT: I didn't know him that well either, and I think many of us here were caught off guard by the void he's left. And the little that I did know, I'm left with the feeling this was a person we should have taken the time to know better ! And that makes the hurt somehow worse, the sense that he's gone, before we could... He made us smile, didn't he ? There are 3 things you could do to make Happy... happy. First... go home today and give a call to somebody you should have called yesterday, tell them how you feel about them. Second, go to lunch with somebody you'd like to know a little more than you do. And third... the man lying there... Show him your teeth! (BT leaves the pulpit)

Audience: Yes ! (old people in the first rows are taking their teeth out - while Lisa is singing, old people are getting up, dancing with their walkers up in the air - Judges are dancing up the middle aisle, all in their robes - Towards the end of the song, flashbacks of Happy Boyle inhis court room, in WC's office, etc. At the end of the song, false teeth are being thrown into the picture)

LK (singing): Think about the sun, Happy / Think about her golden glance / How she likes the world up / Well now it's your chance / With the guardian of splendor / Inviting you to dance / Happy, think about the sun / Think about your life Happy / Think about the dreams you've planned / Think about the moments / So close at hand / With the power and the glory / that are there at your command / Happy think about your life / Well well well / Think about the sun, Happy / Think about her golden glance / How she likes the world up / Well now it's your chance / With the guardian of splendor / Inviting you to dance / Happy, think about the sun/Think about your life Happy / Think about the dreams you've planned / Think about the moments / So close at hand / With the power and the glory / that are there at your command / Happy think about your life / Well well well / At your command / Happy, think about your life !


In the streets. JC and NP walking.
JC: It was the best funeral I've ever attended.
NP: Really ? Why ?

JC: I'm not sure.. Maybe what he was, was something that needed a celebration...

NP: Is this something to do with Stefan ?

JC: As sympathetic as you've been, you didn't really get it with me and Stefan, did you ?

NP: I got it that he was important to you, the reason... I don't need to get.

JC: Why don't you people understand me being drawn to a frog ?

NP: Well, people just don't understand attractions sometimes, do they ? Do you want to come in ?

JC: Not that time. Another time perhaps... (NP gets closer to him and he starts to stutter) Pough... Poughkep... Lake George.

NP (she puts her hand on his cheek): If you're not coming in, we should probably say goodnight here

JC (his nose whistles): I just wanna... think through... You... You are a pillar of support... (she puts her finger on his mouth to stop him talking)

NP: I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna wait for you to kiss him anymore. Call me a tramp (she leans closer and kisses him) Do you think we could do that again sometime ?

JC: Sure.

NP: Good night. (she goes in her building)

JC: Good night.

JC hears Barry White ("My First, my last, my everything") and starts dancing in the street, jumping happily. The song is now sung by Vonda on the bar. EV, RR, and AMB are dancing. Cut back to the street. JC is still dancing.


End credits.